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LIMIT SETTING
Limit setting is establishing an expectation for your child or adolescent and monitoring the outcome of those expectations. Limit setting also includes following through with positive consequences for acceptable behavior and negative consequences for unacceptable behavior. Limit setting is how parents create order out of chaos and efficiently teach their children to adopt good habits.
Children benefit when their parents devote time and energy to limit setting. Children experience less anxiety and an improved sense of security when limits are set. Children desire structure. When parents set limits they are giving their children structure that provides protection and guidance.
How does limit setting differ from old-fashioned discipline? Children may react to authority with hostility and resentment, resorting to lying, cheating, hiding feelings and striking back. Old-fashioned discipline uses the “power approach” of threats and demands and is shown to rarely be effective. The end result often times is negative. Setting limits is an alternative approach to authoritarian discipline that usually produces the desired behavior change with out causing so many negative feelings.
Parents can have personal reasons for not wanting to set limits with their child. The reasons can include, but are not limited to-
You don’t want to deprive your child
You don’t want your child to feel punished about his or her weight
You fear that your child will not get enough to eat
You feel sad when your child looks sad
You feel you or your child have failed if you need to set limits
You fear you setting limits will cause your child to stop liking you
Your child is very close to you and it hurts you as much as it hurts the child
You feel that if you need to set limits you need to feel angry, which you dislike
Limit setting is the toughest in the beginning. Your child may test you thoroughly. Be patient and consistent. Your hard work will reap the benefits in all areas of your child’s life.
